Running up that hill (a deal with God)

A running blog for people who are not very good at running

I only ever made one sports team when I was at school. I never quite made the football team; there was an argument that by the 3rd or 4th year I was certainly good enough but as a winger never seemed to fit in with the PE teachers' plans, perhaps I was just too small (early on) or too skinny (later) to be thought of in competitive terms. We never had a table tennis team; if we had I'd definitely have made that but it was not to be.  We never had rugby, cricket or (boys) hockey teams either because frankly in the 1980s my school was a scuzzy, underfunded and not highly regarded comprehensive and those were posh kid sports.

The only team I made was the cross country team.  I went off to Midhurst with the school back in 1984 (I think) and performed atrociously, not helped by my parents refusing to buy me new trainers when mine fell apart so I was running in what were essentially leisure shoes (which my father, not an athlete in any sense, had decided were good enough).  I came second to last and was so cold I couldn't do up my shirt buttons in the changing rooms after. I was never chosen for any team again despite consistently being in the top eight in the school; in our final race in 1988 I finished third out of everyone in the year who ran (everyone who could run) which was around 100 kids.
Then I went to college, got into music, girls and beer (probably in reverse order)  and didn't run again in any capacity for about 14 years.

In 2002 I entered my work's area sportsday 1500 metres race. I decided I'd be able to do this because I was running that far on the treadmill in the gym I'd joined.  I did do it!  Very badly but I did it; I think there were six of us and right from the off I realised I was not on the same level as everyone else.  My arms really hurt! I'm not sure why this was, it was not like I was running with my arms by my side on the treadmill and I'd been using the arm-bike too  (not to mention one of my favourite pastimes involving a lot of vigorous arm activity) but they really ached with use on this run.  As I started my last lap I could hear everyone else coming up behind me to finish their's so I was not quite lapped and the others graciously waited for me to finish. I couldn't tell you the time, I honestly can't remember but it was SLOW!

I eventually stopped going to the gym; I have tried again several times since with varying results but I am too parsimonious to pay for such a service for long and despite having no issues with being in the gym I do have quite a problem with getting myself to it and that tends to be why I only manage if for three months before boring of it.  The gym shall feature no more in this story.

The next time I ran was probably around 2007 or later (and from this point the dates will all be approximate as I can't be arsed to check on them). I was now living in the house I live in now and wifey and I decided to go running together; we went "around the block" and I thought my lungs were going to climb out of my body and slap me about.  I would estimate we ran no more than half a mile on that first occasion. We did do that a few more times but wifey decided running was not for her and I continued alone, slowly altering my route and building up more distance.

I think it was 2008 I entered both the Chichester 10K (just over 6 miles) and the Great South Run (ten miles), both in October.  The 10k was a disaster, it was ridiculously warm and sunny and I'd been generally running early in  the morning when it was cool.  I overheated very early on and had to stop several times.  I finished in an appalling 75 minutes but considering I walked about a quarter of the route that's probably understandable. By the time I finished the organisers had run out of water; luckily I had enough change on me for a can of pop but I was not impressed. I was also alarmed that I'd signed up for a ten miler when I'd struggled at half that distance!

As it turned out my first GSR was not that bad; bad but not terrible on reflection. I was running in support of NACC (the National Association of Colitis and Crohn's as I have Colitis) and at one point, running alongside two other people in NACC vests I felt the camaraderie these events are famous for. It didn't last long.  At one point I was overtaken by two men dressed as the crap-transvestites from Little Britain which really did my confidence the world of good. I didn't manage to run the entire ten miles but it wasn't until 7 miles I had to take the run-walk-run-walk method which took me up to 8.5 miles and I ran the rest. The last mile down the seafront was very strange; I was very emotional, actually in tears for some of it. I did manage a little sprint near the finish line; I overtook a girl who'd probably actually run it much quicker than me and that would not have been difficult as the ten miles took me almost 125 minutes. I decided as I came through that this was it; I was done with running and didn't want to feel as terrible as I did at that moment.

Within a week I was running again and I did a ten mile run (worked out by Map My Run online) a good twenty minutes quicker. But I still had no intention of running with other people again at that stage, clearly I had an issue with stage-fright! Around this time wifey bought my, for my birthday, my first "fitted" running shoes from Alexandra Sports in Portsmouth.  Until then I had been running in off the peg Nikes.  Now I had my over-pronating factored in and was running in a lovely pair of... Nikes. They were just the best fit for me at this point!  Not long after Nike stopped making proper runners and concentrated on the fashion trainer so even though I've moved on since I've kept my Bowerman's as a memento.

I carried on running around my local area for most of the next two years, I did take some lengthy breaks over the winters but never went more than a month without getting a run in and more usually it was weekly. Around this time, getting a little leaner and faster and running further generally I started to experience one of my least favourite aspects of running; the famous Jogger's Nipple. I'd probably had it before but it was whilst out running in a white t shirt I first realised. Jogger's Nipple if soreness caused by friction of nipple agaisnt fabric when running.  Ladies are generally protected from this if wearing a proper running bra and I guess "proper" runners build up tough, leathery nipples over time. My nipples were (and remain) beautifully soft and kissable.  As I reached the latter part of what I recall being a nine miler I noticed a lot of people staring at me as I passed them; I thought in admiration of my fluid style.  It was not until I reached home and looked in the mirror I observed the red/brown slick running south of each pectoral area... I'd bled like a bugger and those bystanders probably thought I'd been shot.  I've tried various methods of avoiding this since; vaseline on the nips, a sticking plaster over them, avoiding cotton in favour of smooth synthetic fabrics.  The only thing that works is running topless and generally I have felt too whale-like to consider that so the problem persists. For the record, those shorts with an inner mesh brief and no other underwear has a similar effect on one's junior member: stick to the lycra chaps.

I did another GSR two years on, it went much better, I ran the whole route and finished in around 105 minutes and would have been quicker if I'd been more confident in my abilities, started further up the filed and not got badly bunched in for the first 15 minutes. From my point of view it was quite a novelty being the guy passing other people for once.  This time I ran for Cancer Research Uk and in memory of a friend's mum who had died. I will dig the picture out at some point of me with my finishers medal and tell-tale blood stains on my chest.

Then... there was a gap.  There may have been a few false starts but I didn't really run again until 2016.  I'd increased in mass somewhat by that April, I wouldn't say I was fat but the only way I could touch my toes was by sending them flowers.  It was so bad I had to lose about a stone before I could even contemplate running but soon it became an integral part of my weight loss programme. I started running around 1.5 miles and slowly built it up.  I'd had to see a physiotherapist about repeated knee issues which it turned out where very likely caused by my over-pronating so once again I invested in some new fitted shoes, this time a lovely pair of Brooks. The knee problem didn't go away completely but it was manageable. Before long I was regularly exceeding five miles so I entered the Chichester Ten Miler.  I did only scant research into the route which would come back to bite me on the bum (well, on the knees and lungs actually).  Though I was not as prepared as I should have been by the time we reached October I was able to run 11 miles and had incorporated some climbs in to my run.

If you want my advice about doing the Chichester ten  miler or half marathon, and if you do I'll assume you are fairly new to running,  please note the following:

1: Make sure you have run at least two miles longer than the route you are running with plenty of rough terrain. By rough terrain I mean pot-holes you could have a bath in, not just grass.

2: The hills you've worked in to your route are not steep, long or rough enough. Honest. Try and run the actual route up to the Trundle (and the Trundle itself for the Halfers).

3: Don't go out and get trollied with a friend from work the day before; stopping at 6pm will not make it much better. Oh yeah, it feels fine for five miles but those second five are bloody awful.

4: If this is likely to be the toughest run you've tried up to that point, as it was for me, insist that one of your nearest and dearest is there for you at the finish line.  There's not much worse than finishing a route, feeling wretched and then having to go off and find someone who knows who you are (and no, I didn't need to be told who I was, I wasn't that wretched).

5: If you usually run early in the morning remember it will be hotter later in the day, even in October, so think of bringing some water of your own.

I was very disappointed to finish in just over two hours; I knew I could do better and though my preparation could have been improved it was the day before that had the most impact on how I performed.  I probably walked two miles of the course, I stopped at around 6.5 miles and just couldn't get going again. I ran this as a fundraiser for St Wilfred's Hospice in Chichester and raised over £300 for them so there was some good to come from the whole sorry saga.

I never intended to stop running at this point; I did the Chichester Parkrun and a "proper" cross country not long after but this coincided with a downturn in my motivation in just about every area of life.  I took my foot off the pedal big time; in excercise, in diet, in moderation regarding alcohol... the next thing I knew it was February and I'd regained half the weight I lost the previous year and was pissed twice a week.

I've started running again now.  I'm only doing short runs as my priority is to get some weight off but I intend to run little and often for now with the only aim to be back at a Parkrun within a month. Parkruns are great by the way; I've done Havant, Lakeside (Portsmouth) and Chichester and have even made (dare I say it) a running friend through this (ironically she came to my attention through her running Blog, which is much better than mine, and she just happened to have really good taste in music).

Parkrun UK

I may contemplate the GSR for a third time because I know I can do ten miles when
I'm fit and it's a nice, flat, on road route; I don't know.  I had to give away my place on the Worthing Half marathon so I don't want to jinx myself, if I do it it will be for me, no sponsorship, not in anyone's memory, just for fun.  In the next few weeks I'll be doing something different.  It is Ash Wednesday next week.  For those unaware that's the first day of Lent (the day after "pancake day") and rather than giving someothing up I'm going to make an undertaking to run my little mile-and-a-half every day until Easter, gradually incorporating longer runs at weekends.

I doubt if this would persuade anyone to take up running as I've spent so much of it saying how shit it makes me feel.  It does also make me feel great sometimes though.  To just be able to say I did a five mile run and felt fine after is something not everyone can say.  I'm never going to be the fastest runner; indeed I'm 45 now so if anything I'm going to get slower and slower. I probably look a right shocking mess during and after runs too (some would say before as well).  There is no doubt though that when I'm running regularly I feel better, not just fitter but happier.  Going out and seeing a bit of the world before it wakes up is one of my favourite things.  I've missed it very much.