Originally posted 16/6/2012
Nudity, sexiness and being outrageous
I have any theories on the human condition that with a
little more education I would perhaps have been able to expound upon and map
out in to a successful psychological work, bringing with it fame, fortune and
hot, nubile lovelies submitting to my every whim. But that was not to be because I was conned
in to doing a fucking Business Studies BTEC and spent my college days
surrounded by utter arseholes.
Nonetheless I am today presenting to you one principle I
have established to be true without any doubt and anyone who says it’s not true
can go do one. It is actually two
theories but there is only one word different in each so I will lay them out
together.
The least
outrageous/sexy people are those who believe themselves to be outrageous/sexy.
And this brings us to Lady Plop-Plop.
Except it doesn't as I know very little about her and can’t
be arsed to do the research. I’m using
her as an example that she perhaps does not deserve to be made but my general
perception of Lady Boo-Boo is that she is outrageous and sexy and she is sexy
in that knowing way that makes people sexy because they know they are
sexy. I don’t find her sexy. I think she looks like a poorly attired
shire-horse but I am equally sure she’s not that keen on me either and I am
digressing. This is not a blog about how
many not very amusing ways I can bastardize Lady Blah-Blah’s name. Which is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta.
Now, I’m not particularly good-looking. This is not false modesty, it is not fishing
for compliments; I think I’m a great guy and I have many qualities that make me
absolutely smashing to be with but being ravishingly handsome is not one of
those qualities. By the same standard I
also don’t feel that I my countenance is hideously monstrous, unkind
comparisons to Paul Potts and Barry from Eastenders brought swift rebuke. I mention this for a reason and I will get to
that reason momentarily, alright, stop nagging!
I recently carried out a brief social experiment on Facebook
and Twitter. It was brief because I have
a very poor attention span and I lost interest very quickly but the one
response proved categorically that I am absolutely correct. I made several posts suggesting that I am in
fact so very attractive that I make angels cry, on the basis that if I say it
often enough people would start to assume it is true and in fact believe it
themselves. Unfortunately I negated the
“often enough” part by getting bored quickly and instead ranting about not
liking Marmite or crane-flies or small ginger boys or something. I did receive one response from an online
friend, to be fair after I’d blown the ruse myself, essentially saying that in
fact people who depend purely on how other people perceive them physically are just
very shallow. And I agree.
I’m not for a moment suggesting people shouldn’t care about
their appearance, far from it, I myself am very vain but not because I think
I’m stunning but rather because I feel I need to make the effort. I’m self-aware enough to know that if I was
rich enough I’d be all about clothes and haircuts and personal trainers because
I want to look… ok. Being a shallow,
mostly heterosexual man I like ladies who dress well and look after themselves
and the men I find attractive don’t tend to be beer-guzzling no-necks in polo
shirts and trackie bottoms. But those people on TOWIE, for example, make me
want to sick up a little. Clearly these
people of both genders can only allow themselves to be judged by their
appearance and thus take it to extremes and end up looking ridiculous. True beauty for both male and female is
natural and can perhaps be helped along by our efforts but cannot be
duplicated.
As for “sexy” people… really. I've seen documentaries about people who are
“into stuff” and these people are always talking about how they are “very
sexual”. What they are trying to put
across is they are sexier than you or I because they do sex things and have to
make sure everyone else knows about it, why else would they be on a TV programme putting their cock in a vice or sanding their
nipples? Me thinks the lady doth
protest too much. I’m not for a moment
judging people by what gets them ticking over in the bedroom or location of
choice, I myself have some highly unorthodox interests in Nun outfits that I
won’t expand upon here. What I am
judging is how these people wear their sexiness like a lapel badge. Trying too hard doesn't nearly cover it, a
psychologist would have a field day with the hang ups and shoulder-chips made
manifest by such blatant “Me-Me-Me-Look-At-Me” behaviour. I’m very much of the belief that true sexiness
can only be achieved by accident. It is
in a glance, in a pale white neck, a brush of hands, a clever riposte, a flick
of hair over the ear, a well-chosen stylish outfit, an act of kindness, an
understanding disposition. It aint
making sure everyone knows what your pants look like.
And so on to nudity… never far from my thoughts. I haven’t made much of a secret that I am a
“naturist” or at least I don’t reject that label out of hand despite not
necessarily pinning it to myself. I
prefer the term to “nudist” as I my belief is that there is something natural
about being naked in the sun with a breeze on ones back which goes beyond just
wanting to be seen naked or looking at naked people. Yes, some “naturists” are just
exhibitionists. Mostly men, you’ll find
them on the beach endlessly walking up and down and occasionally manipulating
their gentlemen’s appendage to be at its optimum size. And there are naturists who are swingers just
as there are swingers who aren't naturists, thankfully these people keep their
circles largely separate though there are some exceptions… Brighton beach has a
problem in this regard. Generally people
who congregate together without clothing under the naturist banner have
anything but sex on their minds.
To me, naturism is about being, not seeing or being
seen. For legal reasons, people who want
to get their clothes off outdoors tend to go where it is allowed and thus are
with other naked people and the acceptance is another part of the deal that is
so freeing from the standards set upon us by society. One can be naked without being judged. I am not going to pretend I do not enjoy
seeing a well turned out nude body but in the same way I can appreciate a rose
without feeling the need to pluck it, it is a matter of aesthetic enjoyment
rather than a sexual need. For every fit
hotty on a nudist beach there’s an old lady with a mastectomy, an amputee, a
huge fat man and, well, a me.
I have no wish to convert anyone to naturism. It’s something I came to by myself and I have
been lucky enough to find a partner (could put the full stop there in fact) who
first accepted this facet of my interests and then joined me in it. If others try it and enjoy it then I’d be
happy for them but equally the thought of someone enduring public nudity when
they are not comfortable with it is anathema to me. It is much harder for women because of the
way society judges female body shapes and also because of the pervy minority of
men, who are never too fit looking themselves, who abuse naturist locations for
their own jollies.
So, whilst I am happy to admit to being a naturist I don’t
want to force this upon anyone else. I
don’t think I’m outrageous for going nude, I honestly don’t see what all the
fuss is about. When undressed my elbows
and the backs of my knees are as naked as my penis. I’m not interested in shocking anyone,
nothing good lies therein. I do however
enjoy social contact with others who are interested in this lifestyle choice
and thus thee may be some naturist content on my website at some point up to
and including me in the buff. If so, it
will be keep to one section and I’ll make sure it is known where so nobody can
be bamboozled in to an accidental sighting of the Minty candy. Watch… or depending on your views, don’t
watch this space.
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