Or “Here are a few of my favourite things”
Parts 1 to 5
Originally posted 8/8/12
OK gang. I've had a
few weeks where everything has seemed hard and tiring and I've made a conscious
effort to try and be at peace, to rest, to meditate and to be in touch with my
inner-hippy. I have purchased some books
on Zen, the thoughts of the Dalai Llama, aromatherapy, healthy eating, herbalism,
Reiki and so on, a veritable mish-mash of different concepts and beliefs to be
sure but I want to keep my options open.
I also want to re-join the gym and do yoga. My body is a temple!
Until the temple is open however I thought I’d expand upon
the introduction part to my website by talking about some of my favourite
things; after all, what could be more positive than talking about stuff one
likes? I don’t expect everyone to agree
with anything I say, that much has changed about me since I was younger and I
am now happier being friends with people who don’t like everything I like, it
leads to more interesting conversations!
Some of these things may seem really obvious, some less so,
some a little surprising and some you may find quite crass; I apologise in
advance if any of this makes you feel any less of me. So, let’s get started with…
Calvin and Hobbes
Calvin and Hobbes was a cartoon strip which was written and
drawn by Bill Watterson, it ran between 1985 and 1995. It was syndicated to over 2,400 countries
worldwide, including The Daily Express in the UK, which is where I first
discovered it. We never read the Express
in my house but whilst at school I did a variety of paper-rounds to get some
spending money and would take time out to read the funnies, check out page
three, et cetera.
Calvin was a six year old American boy and Hobbes was his
cuddly toy tiger. The main theme of the
strip was that to Calvin, Hobbes was real and in frames not featuring any other
characters he was drawn as such, not actually real tiger sized, cuddlier and
anthropomorphised, but clearly different to the obviously stuffed tiger toy
that appeared in other frames. The
“real” Hobbes had a very well rounded character, with his own foibles and
imperfections and a love of tinned tuna. Other characters included Calvin’s
long suffering parents, Calvin was portrayed as a very real six year old boy
with a talent for getting himself in to trouble, and his friend/enemy Suzy
Derkins, a school mate who was often used to give a balanced, female
perspective on situations. Though Calvin
was a child and was thus imbued with the appropriate sense of innocence and
wonder, he was also a flawed and sometimes selfish male human with a sense of
cynicism that was a dichotomy to the rest of his character and this is where
the real skill of Watterson is clear, he has used this six year old boy to vent
his frustration with an increasingly cynical and harsh world.
Watterson would sometimes, particularly in the longer,
Sunday strips, indulge in flights of fancy which showed off his artistic
talents. These would usually be based on
the day dreams of Calvin, often based around his Spaceman Spiff alter-ego where
Watterson could pander to his fondness for 1950s style sci-fi or frequently
around dinosaurs, the Tyrannosaurus being a particular favourite. Occasionally Calvin would be portrayed as a
Chandleresque private eye or he and Suzy’s games of “let’s pretend” would be
drawn in a realistic style, the two protagonists as adults yet juxtaposed with
their childish dialogue, eventually the premise falling apart in the last
frame. The genius of Watterson was in
the writing. The storylines are not only
frequently laugh-out-loud but also contain moments of pathos that are
tear-inducing.
In 1990 I was given my first Calvin and Hobbes book, “Yukon
Ho!” by a girlfriend of the time and over the next few years I went on to buy
everything that was available. I love
Calvin and Hobbes and could sit and read all of the books over and over again;
if I still had them. For once the reason
I don’t have something anymore is not because I sold it, my reasons are much
more altruistic in that I passed the books on to my nephew that he may also
appreciate them. I miss them very much
and he had better look after them or I WILL rain down upon him in furious
vengeance.
Over the years I've met various people that share my
enthusiasm for this cartoon strip and it’s probably no coincidence that I've
always got on with them, I think Calvin and Hobbes appeals to a particular type
of person; intelligent, sensitive yet with a reluctant cynicism because of the
hardness of the modern world and a very dark, subtle sense of humour. If you haven’t read the strip, please do,
just Google it, if you are already my friend there’s a good chance you’ll like
them.
Star Wars
By the above I mean the original trilogy of “A New Hope”
which we always just called Star Wars (and I will refer to hereafter as Star
Wars), The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Not the new films, I think they are poo. I’m not trying to look cool, I really don’t
like them at all but as this is a POSITIVE blog I’m not going in to my reasons
why, let’s just say it goes far beyond Jar Jar Binks.
When Star Wars came out in 1977 it was always episode four,
this was not added to the later re-mastered versions as some believe. I am very suspicious about the idea that it
was always intended to have a back story that would later be made; it is much
more likely that George Lucas, director and producer, wanted it to look like
one of those Saturday matinee pictures that he grew up with that were made as a
series of films. It was this mystery
that only added to the allure of this film for the five year old me. It was one of the hottest summers on record
and my parents took us all to see Star Wars, which I’m fairly sure I’d not
heard of. This isn't so strange; at the
age of five I was not really aware of anything beyond my home and school and
several years later when I went to see the SECOND Indian Jones film I was not
aware of the first one and had no idea who Indian Jones was apart from he was
played by the bloke who was Han Solo.
So, roughly 35 years ago, when I’d had one year in
education, I went to see a movie; do I remember anything about it? A surprising amount actually! I’m not 100% sure where I saw the film but
the chances are it was in Havant, the old Empire (later Cannon) in East
Street. I saw a lot of movies there as a
child as it was slightly nearer than the Granada in Chichester, which will be
mentioned when we get to 1980. We only
briefly had a family car before my teens so usually travelled by train, Havant
is definitely most likely. I do remember
the “ A long time ago, In a galaxy far, far away…” and then the thrill of those
opening notes from John Williams’ score blaring out over the rolling text,
disappearing back in to a space-scape, then the Imperial cruiser following the
rebel ship, firing laser cannons as it went.
I was hooked. I loved every
second of it and felt something akin to genuine grief when the movie
finished. This was back in the days when
a film may not appear on one of our three television channels for years (I
can’t be sure but I think I’d seen Empire before I saw Star Wars again), nobody
yet had a video recorder and even if they did, Star Wars was not officially
available for a long, long time. We
spent that summer playing at Star wars, I always wanted to be Han; Han was cool
because he had a waistcoat and a side blaster which at that time I mistakenly
thought was cooler than a light-sabre.
Then came Star wars figurines and toys.
My brother and I had a few; Mark Palin who lived across the road had
loads. We’d make every excuse to play in
his house and always wanted to play Star wars.
He had the Millennium Falcon, which was Han’s ship and I coveted beyond
anything else. Mark was an only child
and sometimes said he wished he’d had a brother. I’d have swapped him mine for the Millennium
Falcon. It was three years before the
next installment of the Star Wars saga and if that seems like a long time now,
consider how long it was to a five year old.
You liked Star Wars did you?
Well, in just over half of the life you've already lived, you’ll get to
see part two. Or part five.
To be truthful, I don’t think it occurred to me for a moment
(notwithstanding the fact that at five not much occurred to me ever) that there
would be another Star wars film. It
seemed very neatly wrapped up; the Death Star was destroyed, Peter Cushion
(sic) was blown up, Daft Vader (sic) was spinning around in this Tie-fighter
forever, Han got a medal… all done. By
1980 I must have been aware though as I was getting The Empire Strikes back
comic before I saw the film, I don’t remember at what point the realisation
dawned on me but I can only have been delighted. In the summer of 1980 I was eight years old,
I was at Junior school and was only slightly more world-aware than I had been
three years earlier. Every Monday I had
to hand my dinner money over to Mrs Plested, my teacher, for the week. One Monday I forgot it. I brought it in the next say but Mrs Plested
didn't ask for it and I was too shy to say anything. I was so worried about it that I hid it in my
room. I’m not sure but I think it was
£2. This came in handy later as when my
sisters announced they were taking me and my brother to see The Empire Strikes
Back I wanted my friend Graham Nash (not the one from Crosby, Stills and Nash,
that would have been weird, this one was another eight year old boy) to come
with us and managed to produce the £2 required for the train and the ticket
in. There was all round suspicion from
both families as to where the money had come from (we told them we’d found it
in the street) but as they couldn’t prove any wrong doing they eventually let
us go. There, now you know!
This time it was the Granada in West Street, Chichester that
we went to. What I didn't realise until
today was that The Empire Strikes Back was the last movie shown at this Cinema,
so we are part of Chichester history. At
the end of the run The Granada closed and was empty for a number of years before
it became a McDonalds in the late eighties and is now a very swanky branch of
Next. The movie was of course ace, loved
every minute of it. I was halfway
through the story in comic form so the ending was still a surprise to me, I
loved the Hoth battle and was both frustrated and gladdened by the ending as
though it was a very dark way to finish the installment with Han missing and
Luke bereft of a hand, there was no doubt there would be another installment. It didn't occur to me it would
take another three years.
Empire did provide me with some valuable references in
life. First of all I could use Yoda to
describe any old and withered yet wise person I encountered (such as Miss Boon,
my first English teacher at secondary school), describe any traitorous or
treacherous person as a “Lando” but the best one ever involved a fairly minor
creature, the Tauntaun; the bipedal, camel like creatures that the rebels use
as transport in the snowy wasted of Hoth.
Years later, in a restaurant in Paris, my wife ordered Andouillette,
which our guide book described as a chitterlings sausage. Unfortunately neither of us knew what
chitterlings are. Tripe, that’s
what. The scene in Empire when Han
slices open the tauntaun with the light-sabre and then spreads it’s guts over
Luke to keep him warm is a perfect simile for the first time Becky cut in to
the Andouillette. “I thought they
smelled bad on the outside”, choked Han.
I concur.
Return of the Jedi, the third part in the trilogy but
episode six in the saga came out in 1983.
This was the summer between leaving junior school and starting secondary
school, my childhood really did end this summer and Jedi was a good metaphor
for this. I would have been 11 when I
went to see it, I can’t remember who I went with but possibly my Sister
Carolynn. Of course I enjoyed it a lot,
even at the time the Ewoks who now sicken me.
There are some great aspects to the film; Leia in a gold bikini, Jabba
becoming the go-to humorous reference for any fat person subsequently
encountered, The Emperor getting a proper speaking part… but it wasn’t the best
part of the trilogy. There are now
certain parts to this film that set my teeth on edge. The Ewoks being cute. Ugh.
Chewbacca doing a Tarzan style holler as he swings on a vine. The bit where Leia is Luke’s sister seeming
tacked on (and then the realisation that she snogged him once… ewwww!). And the delivery of the line “You rebel scum”
being the worst since “Mummy a naked American man stole my balloon” (American
Werewolf in London) which at least had been delivered by a small child. Yoda is better produced than in Empire, but
dies. They also kill off Boba Fett who
was the second coolest character after Han.
I enjoyed it and even played with some of my brother’s Jedi toys (the
speeder bike was especially fun) but with a sense of… well, I was getting too
old for this really. And I did have a
point.
Jedi was the first of the films that seemed to be made for
children. Though the first two appealed
to kids there was no obvious attempt as cuteness in them. The Ewoks buggered all of that up. I don’t hate them like I do Jar Jar but that
scene in the Endor battle where an Ewok tries to rouse his friend after an
explosion and realising he is dead, weeps over his body… well, you’d need a heart
of stone not to laugh. I’d still rather
watch Jedi than any of the first three episodes though, I really would. I went to see all of the “new ones” when they
came out at the Cinema, having watched the original trilogy I felt I had to,
but they all failed to immerse me more deeply in to the Star Wars
universe. That is not to say there are
not some excellent elements to the later films; the pod racing set piece, the
three way sabre dual with Darth Maul, Yoda fighting. But there is so much that is wrong and some
appalling acting from people who should have done better (“You were right about
one thing master, negotiations were short”, smirk). But enough of this moaning.
Subsequently, George Lucas has vandalised the original
trilogy by re-releasing them in a re-mastered form. He just had to add little bits in and the
part where Han steps on Jabba’s tail particularly rankles, surely Han would
have been executed on the spot? I cling
dear to the memories of how it was and remember when we recorded Star wars off
telly one Christmas (it was followed by a Duran Duran concert which we had the
first half of, my brother accidently turned the video recorder off whilst
kicking a satsuma across the room), watching and re-watching it over the
following summer holidays whilst playing a ZX Spectrum game called Penetrator
(!) and pretending it was a Death Star assault:
“You’re too high.”
“Stay on target…”
“You’re too high!”
“Stay on target”
Kablooie!!
“The force is strong in this one”
“I have you now!”
Kablooie!
“What?!”
“Woo-hoo! Okay kid,
let’s blow this thing and go home!”
Oh, happy days.
Epilogue: The
trailers for the new J.J Abrams directed film looks amazing… and I never use
that particular superlative unless I am amazed by something. Role on Chrimbo time!
These are a few of my favourite things… continued (originally posted 9/9/12)
This time ‘round I’m not going to write so much about each
topic as there is a heck of a lot to get through, so let’s get going…
The smell of
strawberries:
Strawberries taste fine, they are OK, nice with clotted
cream on a scone, sure. But they smell
divine, absolutely wonderful. I grew up
in a lane with a strawberry farm at the end of it so there is an element to the
smell as being evocative of nostalgia but it goes beyond that. I’d rather smell a strawberry farm than eat a
strawberry and the former does not necessarily make me want to do the latter. I do have a very delicate proboscis, not to
the extent of Grenouille in Perfume but enough to make smell actively enjoyable
and fresh strawberries, preferably still growing, on a warm sunny day are my
favourite. Other favourites are rain on
fresh cut grass (bit of a cliché I know), freshly baked bread, freshly brewed
coffee, peaches and the perfume Kate wears with a hint of redcurrant’s, the
name escapes me right now but hmmmm… I tried to get me good lady wife to get
some but she hates to be “told” what to do so I have to surreptitiously pretend
I need to talk to Kate every so often at work so I can get a whiff.
Chinese Food:
King Prawn Chow Mein
If I could only have one type of cuisine ever again I would
chose Chinese. I couldn’t chose between
Cantonese and Szechuan which are the two most common in the UK but as these do
tend to be generic terms for a much wider spectrums of taste it would be
churlish to go down that road anyway, I’d look like a pretentious fool (even
more than usual). My earliest exposure
to Chinese food was when my parents would occasionally get a takeaway at my childhood
home in Southbourne. I’d like to think
they got it from the Golden Chopsticks (still there) but my father being who he
is I think he decided the best Chinese takeaway was in Havant and went there
instead. I don’t remember getting
Chinese food of my own, we probably got chips or something, my mother though
always had the same; a King Prawn Chow Mein and I would get to finish off her
noodles and beansprouts. I loved
it. It was years before I got a prawn of
my own but the taste was developed from there.
As I got older I adored Chinese food more and more and it has helped me
become the gargantuan oaf I am now.
Chinese food is not generally very low fat, not in the form we get it in
anyway. I am so fond of Chow Main, Chop
Suey, Foo Yung, Crispy duck, Beef in Black Bean… even Chinese curry sauce that
it played at least a small part in wifey and I choosing China as our honeymoon
destination.
We went on a tour that took in Shanghai, Suzhou, Beijing,
Xian, Guilin and Hong Kong. The food was
lovely… mostly (some of the soups looked as if the washing up had been done in
them) but it was largely generic tourist fare and we were too scared to go far
from the unknown on the few occasions we could choose what we ate and less
often just couldn't understand the menus.
In a market in Beijing for example there were several small cafés we
could have tried but the menu was in mandarin script and I did not want to
accidentally order a thousand year old egg (a dish I have NOT made up, it sounds
foul... no pun intended). I did get to have chow-mein for
breakfast most days on Mainland China.
By the time we reached Hong Kong I was only slightly fed up with Chinese
food and I had an Indian (curry) and a Malaysian (curry). It was in Hong Kong that I had the most
disgusting meal I’d ever had. We
inadvertently went to a vegan restaurant where I ordered fake prawns with fake
egg fried rice. The fake prawns in particular
were just little lumps of pink jelly, presumably gelatin free. I was so astonishingly bad that I took a
video of it, which I may link to later if I can be arsed to get the old PC
(where it is stored) fired up.
On our return from China I’d ordered a Chinese takeaway
within two weeks.
Music:
Billy Duffy of The Cult
There is of course lots of music I don’t like. But there is so much I do like. I like music that is about music, not about
being cool, popular or famous. I like
music in the way I like books and films; it could be sad, happy, romantic,
sexy, violent or so many other things.
I've already blogged about why I don’t think music can be depressing but
still people disagree (they are wrong and I am right). What I don’t get, more than anything else, is
people who only like one sort of music; whether that be rock, pop, indie, dance
or whatever, I like to keep an open mind on most things. I like a lot of alternative rock and pop
music but I also like rock, metal, ambient, techno, folk, country… well, here
are just a few of my favourites:
Abba, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Air, All About Eve, Beasties, The
Beat, Beatles, Belly, Bjork, Black Crowes, Blur, Alfie Bowe, Bowie, Kate Bush, Buzzcocks, Chemical
Brothers, Clash, Cocteaus, Cowboy Junkies, Cranes, Cult, Cure, Curve, Damned, Dexy’s,
Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Ian Dury, Echo and the Bunnymen, Erasure,
Eurythmics, Faith No More, Fields of the Nephilim, Foos, Goldfrapp, Guns ‘n’
Roses, Hendrix, Kristin Hersh, Human League, The Jam, Janes Addiction, J&MC,
Joy Division, Led Zep, Madness, Mamas and Papas, Manics, Metallica,
Motorhead, Alison Moyet, Mumford and Sons, Muse, New Model Army, New Order,
Nirvana, Gary Numan, Orbital, Pink Floyd, Pixies, Placebo, Portishead,
Pretenders, Primal Scream, Prodigy, Public Enemy, Queen, Queen Adreena, REM,
Radiohead, RATM, Ramones, Ride, Rolling Stones, Saint Etienne, Sex Pistols, Simple
Minds, Siouxsie, Sisters, Smashing :Pumpkins, Soft Cell, Soundgarden, Smiths, Specials,
Stone Roses, Suede, T-Rex, Teenage Fan Club, Thin Lizzy, Throwing Muses,
Tindersticks, Van Morrison, White Stripes, White Stripes, Who, Weezer and all
the ones I've missed out.
Adult female human
breasts:
Eva Green owns some of my favourite boobs
I make no apology for this.
I really like lady-boobs. And
before you call me a perv, it’s not just a sexual thing. Believe me, as a naturist I have seen more
boobies than you've had haircuts, possibly, and I don’t get the raging horn
every time. Yes, as a mostly
heterosexual male I do find a nice pair of breasticles sexy but it’s more than
that, I find them beautiful. Breasts
come in all shapes and sizes, most women have one slightly bigger than the
other and nippleage varies hugely in size, shape and colour. I like them all. Of course I have my own particular favourites
(It could be you!) but never have a bad word to say about any mammary
glands I am lucky enough to get a gander at.
Best feeling in the world? Hugging a lady and feeling boobage held
close; not sexual, just nice.
I only have the following to add:
Ladies, check your breasts regularly and support Breast
Cancer Awareness: http://www.breastcancercampaign.org/page.aspx?pid=610&gclid=CNXBtIP7p7ICFUNTfAod5GYAww
Why can men go about shirtless whilst women feel they can’t
when the latter is so much nicer to see? Support top freedom: http://www.tera.ca/
And finally, they really are lovely, up to you what you do
with yours but if I had some I’d have them out all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment